Fatherhood requires a lot, that I can very much attest to, as I have seen it in my dad. It will first put you under pressure and some scrutiny, but once you get past that, it rewards you with a child. Then, it gives you another test: How much you can do and give up for to protect and nourish an infant. As a toddler, you engage him in toilet training, eating vegetables, restricting television viewing time, etc. It never stops there: Just when you thought that your kid is growing big enough to tend for himself, he starts going to school! The first day of school can be embarrassing. You walk/drive him to and from the institution. This goes on until he gets confident enough to go to school by himself. You have some time to focus on other things until he starts high school. In this stage, he starts “developing.” It’s the awkward stage of every guy, so conversation delves on voice changes, pubic hair, pimples, grades, and girls. Girls, girls, girls. This goes on and on until college. Then, mid-college, conversation turns to current events, ideas, causes, what you believe in, all those stuff. Come graduation, you put pressure on your kid to start looking for a job; and he dare not get a girlfriend yet, not until he is employed and self-supporting.
You continually press your kid. Sometimes, you feel guilty because you ask a lot of him and don’t know if he can do it. You just hope for the best that he will somehow survive, use his smarts for once (Because after all, what’s the use of all that education you spent on him for?), and be someone better, someone you weren’t able to attain.
Fatherhood is a Sacrifice
A man has dreams for himself. Personal dreams of accomplishing something substantial. But when he becomes a father, things get real complicated. He has to allot more time for his kids, his wife, for expenses, for shelter, for food, . . . the list goes on. At one point, he would have to set aside his aspirations. Time goes by so fast, he enjoys the company of his family, his kids, and it’s all fine, really. But it would be better if only he had more time to achieve his dreams. Then one day, he gets sick. He puts up a good fight, but doesn’t survive. The dreams of a young man never materialized.
Feeling for My Dad
It punctured me so deep to see my father being so hard-up by his disease back then in 2009. I had to be there for him, to help him, to somehow ease his pain. It ached a lot to see my mom being affected by his ordeal. It ached a lot to know that he might not survive this difficulty, but I had to keep silent and be strong for my mom and the people around. It ached a lot to have to hear that he’s not breathing, and then, I already knew that he’s gone. Though I did try to revive him, I knew that we already lost him. It ached a lot to have to tell my mom to call our relatives and to say that he’s gone. It ached a lot to hear my mom’s voice cracking a little while she was talking on the phone. It ached. So much.
On a Lighter Note
My father was a comical guy, a joker. The type of joker who delivers naughty punchlines without battling eyelids. He means them. He can be your dirty uncle. 😀 Here are some of what he had to say to people and to me:
When asked what his son (me) was taking up in college, he would reply,
“Learning this!” (mimicking a procedure for Internal Examination (I.E.) of the vagina)
When asked on what he did the day before his birthday, he would answer in a loud voice,
“We celebrated last night!” (Smiles at mom.)
His shameless greeting to a newly wed couple just after their honeymoon:
“How was the your first night!?”
On how to get that job you’re applying for:
“Smile at the interview!”
Making an announcement to everyone:
“Before asking me, ask my wife first! If she wants it, then I want it!”
On getting married:
“Your cousins may be old but they have the right to get married! They have permanent jobs! How about you? Don’t get a girlfriend yet! (I never brought up the subject of marriage. He just suddenly started talking about it.)
On impressing girls:
“Smile!” (recurring theme)
*sigh* I miss you daddy. I’m officially, totally missing you! Thank you for contributing your sperm, that I now exist in this world. Thank you for taking me under your wing. It’s an honor to be your son. Until we meet again,